How to THRIVE as Highly Sensitive people, empaths, and trauma survivors (or all three!) {there are resources in here!}

Originally posted on May 24,2020
(spoiler: I’m all three)

This is a sharing of my lived experience and what works for me. It may not all work for you.
And: this is not intended to be a substitute for any kind of medical assessment or treatment ; I am a therapist, but this is NOT therapy. In my experience therapy can be a very safe and effective tool for healing. I encourage you to find all the support you can for your High Sensitivity, Empath-ness, trauma, or any combination of the three.
I’ve also found great healing in: acupuncture, reiki, sound healing, journaling, workshops, retreats, medication, supportive relationships. There are many ways to heal, may ways to feel supported.
We all deserve to have them.
**********
Now.
how you are feeling is NORMAL.
For us.

Not for the mainstream. Not for your non-Highly Sensitive folks, your non-Empaths (which does NOT mean ‘not empathic’), your folks who grew up without trauma-at least not trauma that was debilitating, that didn’t get processed the way it needed to be, that got stuck, that hid in nooks and crannies.

But for YOU, for US, it’s normal to feel:
easily tired (often for reasons unknown to our conscious mind)
easily overwhelmed
easily agitated
easily anxious
emotional when others don’t see anything to get emotional about
somatically ill (headaches, chronic pain, GI issues, etc)


So
Here is my first pearl of wisdom:
work on accepting that this is who you are, AND
that There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. You.
Now, that is a simple thing. But not easy.
(see above recommendation for therapy and other healing modalities)

So here is my second pearl of wisdom:
Cultivate a practice of gentleness and grace.
Yes, you can.
This is something that can be done at any time.
Beating the shit out of yourself?
When you notice it, apply compassion. And grace.
”Geez, I am beating the SHIT out of myself.”
Expecting from yourself what ‘normal’ people do?
When you notice that you are pushing yourself
when the stories come up like : “I must be weak. Why can’t I do what my partner/friend/kid/sibling/neighbor/co-worker can do?”
When you notice the stories, take a nice deep breath and say something like:
”I don’t have to do what other people do.”

Yeah, it might be hard. Especially at first. And it’s SO EASY to slide right down the rabbit hole of those stories, and they get like a fun house mirror, right?
Everywhere you turn, there they are.

I am here to tell you that you CAN change that automatic response. That you CAN heal those stories—stories that saved you at one time. It takes a lot of work, and a commitment to cultivating awareness and compassion. It helps to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people you can trust—and yes, I do know how difficult that can be.

Here are some practical tips that I’ve picked up and figured out over the years that work for me.
Take what works for you, and (as my acupuncturist always said) let the rest go.
It will take some experimenting. Allow yourself that, too.
And if something doesn’t work for you? That isn’t a failed experiment. It’s a SUCCESSFUL one, because you got your theory tested, and you got your data.

Note: there is no one-size-fits-all here. What I find useful you may find stressful, and vice-versa. There is not right or wrong. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, great. Listen to yourself. Move towards restoration. Move towards what feels nourishing. Allow in what brings peace and centering.
Another note: our nervous systems are so delicate, and sometimes so jerry-rigged, that it can be tricky. There are some practices that actually increase my anxiety. That are some that immediately reduce it. There are some that, over time, have gotten more effective for me. Listen to your body.
Listen to your gut.
Listen to your heart.

Okay, here they are.
1. yoga
there are many kinds of yoga practice. ANYONE can do it.
here is a beginning practice by a very popular online teacher

2. meditation
there are many kinds of meditation-also a practice anyone can do.
here is a 10-minutes meditation for beginners

3. Yoga Nidra
This is a yoga practice that is a deeply relaxing, guided body scan. It brings the brain and body to a healing, restorative place.
here is a 10-minute beginning practice

4. walking: movement is so healing. There is a brain science to why walking helps reduce the trauma response; physical activity discharges the fight-flight-freeze chemicals from the body that the brain releases.
For me, walking feels like getting un-stuck. Moving forward, with no particular destination. I like to listen to music, and audiobook, a podcast, or sometimes just whatever ambient sound is around me. It’s also great to walk with someone.

5. Being in nature: this is a balm for me. All of my senses take it in: the earthly scent, the feeling of being connected to the earth, the sounds of animals and wind through trees.
Note: because of my PTSD, I need certain conditions to feel safe. I rarely go out into nature alone, unless it is a familiar place and I know that I can feel safe there, and that there will likely be other people there.

6. Alternate-nostril breathing
this is a yoga practice designed to calm the central nervous system
here is a brief demonstration

7. Tapping (also known as Emotional Freedom Technique)
this is a valuable presence practice, that can help soothe the nervous system and also give some motility to stuck emotions.
here is a brief instructional video

8. Go into water. Salt water, if possible (whether it’s the ocean or your tub with epsom salts)-but any water can help clear stuck energy: river, lake, ocean, pool, tub.

9. Vocalize
Sing. Yell. Just make sounds. This may sound strange, but there is also brain science behind this, and the possibility that it can move stuck energy. I find it helpful. And, living with PTSD almost my whole life, I have been ‘quiet’ to try to avoid tripping my brain’s alarm sensors. So it’s healing in that way.

10. Shake: this can also help move stuck energy. It’s also been studied, and it is how animals release after a trauma; it’s a visceral response. Sometimes I just shake out my hands. Sometimes just one leg at a time. Sometimes my whole body.
Sometimes I combine the vocalizing and shaking!

High Sensitivity, being an Empath, having trauma that lives in your body-or any of those can be very challenging.
AND
healing is possible.
healing is accessible.
healing is within you.
it’s not always easy.

But it’s always there.

[please share your thoughts in the comments, or message me. I’d love to hear from you.
And if you are a healer or organization that encounters any of this, or is interested in being more trauma-informed, and want to work with me-reach out. Let’s chat.]